There are a number of psychological break through’s I’ve had in life, building blocks of realisation. Once I implemented positive thoughts into my daily life I began to choose my journey, instead of occurrences choosing me. These new ideas are markers, breadcrumbs if you like, I can trace my way through time with my changes in attitude.
It was helpful for me to understand when I looked at others in essence I was staring at another part of the universe, in other words – we all have a God within, not an easy thing to digest if that face is angry or agitated and shouting at you. None the less I consciously tried to be understanding, I had to learn to pause, because naturally I would give as good as I got (the ego is a fine thing!). A turning point began, a stepping stone of sorts and I thoroughly enjoyed this new perspective, holding on to my reaction sometimes with gritted teeth, no longer controlled by having to respond, or get the better of anyone. Beginning to realign myself with how I choose to be because when I saw others as part of myself, part of the universe I realised my words had equal strength in hurting me as well as them.
And there are, of course various levels at which this works, does it hurt me in the long term or hurt me right here in the same moment. Now lets all understand something, there was a time when I could frequently say words that were very hurtful, because the intent behind my words were thoughtless. My mind has literally taken snap shots of examples (visual bread crumbs) and every now and then I cringe, remembering my words to others but also verbally receiving a dose of my own thoughtlessness, and boy did it knock the wind out of my sails. If I wasn’t honest with myself I wouldn’t be able to admit my mistakes, if I refused to accept that my words hurt other people I could never understand why others were hurting me. The same goes with actions, you might say what about unprovoked verbal or physical assaults.
Through my own life experience to date it’s my belief in one way or another I have arrived at all events negative and positive through my own action or in action. Now that’s quite a statement and not one I type light heartedly, especially when we speak of negative events. It wouldn’t really be shocking if we held that sentence up to a positive event or occurrence because it would be an example of success wouldn’t it. I’d be able to pat myself on the back, well done Sarah you’ve negotiated yourself to a place of achievement or happiness, right? But when our same choices or lack of action take us to a darker side of life, bring us face to face with negative behaviour we reject the truth that it was our own decisions that brought us there, why? Because in general it’s viewed as ugly, painful, bad and at first glance what ‘goodness’ could possibly come from these words or the places they dwell.
What makes it’s difficult in part [I believe] for any of us to be honest with ourselves is that we can rarely be honest or open within society, the people we live next to or work with. There aren’t many among us who have the strength to admit failings or mistakes and then take an onslaught of whispers, stares, or perhaps verbal abuse. But then you could say “well that’s why I’m not completely honest with everyone” because there is a back lash, people don’t want to highlight mistakes, bad behaviour they usually want to squirrel it away, hide it. Yes lets all just turn our heads, cover up the ‘ugly’ truth. If we took negative behaviour, actions, events and held them up to the light, if we hid nothing but instead gracefully admitted our own failings how would this effect our society, our children, their happiness? If we all had the ability to stop wanting to get the better of each other, lessened our want for individual success what negative behaviours, actions or events would drop drastically in number or stop altogether?
We find ourselves in a society which rejoices and accepts positive choices leading to positive behaviour, yet we’re not all experiencing positive events. The majority of us have, are now or will in the future suffer from unsocial behaviour, experiences or abuse. How many of us truly stop, think or understand – how does a person who has suffered negative events get themselves ‘back on track’? In a world where too readily we ONLY want to associate ourselves with success, objects or people, how does a person move from the darkness into the light.
How does that young soldier having fought in a war zone, witnessing scenes the majority of us will only ever have nightmares about come home, feel worthwhile and live a ‘normal’ life?
How does that older woman who is raped and beaten for her pension, ever feel safe or secure again?
How does that child who will be mentally abused or neglected grow up confidently, knowing that they are as worthy and valid as the next?
Within these examples lie’s a spider web of variables and choices, too intricate to put into one post. People around us need friendship, love and support now more than ever. Regardless of whether their own choices have lead them to a negative experience or someone else’s choices have lead them to a negative experience or they have chosen life experiences before entering their body. [we all have our own thoughts and theories on this]
I would challenge, it is other peoples perspectives and views that make negative experiences MORE negative. We don’t share ‘shameful’ feelings or experiences because few people are going to clap their hands and celebrate that we’re working through issues or have made it out the other side. It isn’t viewed appropriate because of how society thinks, the general response is one of pity for the victim, which compacts the already ‘ugly’ feelings felt, prolonging a victim mentality which does little for anyone’s self confidence or self worth. Now by no means am I suggesting the stiff upper lip approach when any being has suffered at the hands of another. It didn’t do much for me when I was told “what, do you think you’re the only one”, yes this put life into perspective for me, it was a little harsh but no truer words could be spoken.
Because as difficult as it might have been to hear, the world owed me nothing. As I began to travel meeting new people, hearing of others life experiences I began to put my own into perspective. What I had endured was merely the tip of an iceberg in comparison to what we our all doing to one another, humanity inflicting [whether great or small] upon each other, only to be revisited time and time again.
So with a graceful hand and a good heart [I hope you’ll join me] in trying again and again to think before we speak, act so that we positively help those around us, in the hope that it has a knock on effect. And when someone is honest in voicing negative experiences I will try to highlight any positive I can find, the fact that they’re on their way to happier times or they made it through and are safer, on a more content path and resist “Oh that’s awful” or “Oh god… Ugh, I couldn’t handle that” [insert sad face, furrowed eyebrows].
We can support each other, we can listen, we can smile, we can lessen a heavy load, not by controlling but by understanding, you can’t run a marathon for another person but you can offer positive words, hydration [mentally & physically] or be strong in a moment when they feel weak.
No soul left behind,
have a good week.