A lot has been happening recently, changes in routine, new opportunities, learning more about people who are close to me. It can be tough to understand where other people are coming from at times, each of us caught up in our own daily happenings, even more difficult is having two people tell you their own versions of an event and then find yourself having to decide which you believe.
Until this weekend I didn’t realise, I find it excruciatingly painful when I tell the truth [or my version of events] and it falls on deaf ears, when stared at blankly as though the words that escape my mouth are drenched in lies.
It hits me pretty deep [to the bone] and it’s taken me all day to figure out WHY, let me explain it to you – it comes down to my individual psychology and in part environmental factors experienced from a young age. I was programmed to be honest before I could speak, we were church goers, I was the youngest of four children. And so a little naïve in comparison to my siblings or even my cousins for that matter, I was forever getting the older children in trouble. Tagging along in what ever shenanigans took their fancy, when caught and lined up to be asked “did you do x,y or z” everyone else knew to shake their head answering “no” while I stood at the end of the line nodding my head and answering “yes” my little face crumpled up under the disapproving glares of an aunt, uncle, mum or granddad. Don’t ask me why, I must have been slow on the up take 😀 my dad would then have to commend me for being honest but looking back I get the sense he was probably thinking how much of an awful time I’d have in the playground if I didn’t get some street smarts about me!
Fast forward to just before my teens, I experienced an event that made me look like a liar within family circles, it was the type of event that left many people who were close to me and had watched me grow look at me with doubt in their eyes. It came down to the wire, it was my word against someone else’s. I would love to tell you that the truth prevailed then and there, I’d like to tell you that it turned out ok but [sadly] the reality is it took many years for people to see the truth. You may ponder why, or if you’ve been around the block a couple of times you’ll already know…
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
I spent ALL of my teen years trying to prove I was a good, honest individual, because I had now been taught, programmed that my family, people close to me viewed me as dishonest. God help my immediate family, having to live under the same roof through my teenage years. I don’t think the word ‘difficult’ quite gets it, my behaviour became problematic as I tried to comprehend the world around me in comparison to how I was programmed, I couldn’t get my head around the contradiction. In spiritual terms I would often give my power to others in the hope of being accepted, I would unwittingly put myself down so that those around me would feel better about themselves.
Occasionally I think of the adults involved at that time in my life, how they might have rationalized their decisions in determining who to believe. Imagining all the ways their decisions would go on to impact and alter their own journeys.
From then to now,
two decades have passed.
And I see there are many of the same problems,
the truth is lost to time.
Lets turn the perspective a little – In society, all manner of industry, we choose to believe what suits us, bombarded with advertisements, pressured and programmed to consume, more and more. We eat up the lies, we’ll never find an ultimate happiness in that huge house, fad foods or in those designer clothes.
Look back over your own years from then to now,
what truths have you easily accepted only to find out ‘it didn’t do what it said on the box’.
– that person who seemed genuine, said they were honest but over time showed their true colours.
– those diet pills that promised you a new body, making you lose weight in the short-term but lied to you about the long-term.
– the most recent ‘healthy’ fad food, exported to a shop near you. One side of the world gets healthy while the people who harvest the crop are unable to afford to eat it.
Lies are part of life some may say,
your truth is not my truth others might whisper,
my friends the betrayal does not ‘lie’ outside of you, it lies within.
should any one of us have to give up our power to feel accepted,
the most difficult task at hand is living life to the beat of your own drum,
I can only encourage you to find your rhythm,
have a happy week,
love, light and healing 🙂