I don’t know where to begin. I’ve had the strangest realization from simply scanning old photographs.
I’m not talking about flash backs, in fact that seems to be the problem, there aren’t any.
Surely I shouldn’t have memory issues in my early thirties!
I seem to have a black hole where fond memories of a happy family should linger. Over the weekend I found myself gazing in amazement at all the smiley pictures there are, in a dusty box, filed away in my dads house. I feel like shouting it from the roof top, I used to be apart of a happy family!! Instead I called my sister on Skype, yeah apparently her memory is top-notch, she remembers the happiness… before the divorce, Awh some of you might say, but no that’s not necessarily the reason in my opinion for me to have erased the happiest times in our families history.
I suppose people growing up, experiencing life, can see us all get a little lost at times. Think of the spaghetti junction of feelings you have as a teen, young adult, with intersections of sexuality, career, money and friends. It can be a lot to handle, perhaps it’s not so unusual to forget childhood recollections.
As a child I had one granddad on one side of the family and two grandparents on the other. My single remaining image of the one granddad is him giving me Imperial mints, I would sit on his knee, but I don’t remember how I felt about him. Every now and then I would remember him as a person but without knowing who he was. And of course he was over shadowed by my two grandparents on the other side of the family tree. Not because I liked them more, they lived longer, and are imprinted in my long-term memory. That’s how it works, right?
So I find myself staring, fascinated by this picture:
that’s me in the picture, I don’t remember this being taken, but I believe it’s his birthday because he’s having a wee whiskey and reading a card. It’s definitely not my birthday I’d have a party dress on 😀
Obviously this picture was taken over a couple of decades ago, I’m staring at two people I don’t know. Each time I would think of my granddad I would remember less, to the point I don’t remember loving him, which lay heavy on my shoulders. But look, my brain speaks, this is evidence, my little hand wrapped close to his neck, leaning in, he has my full attention – which is rare for children, that’s a page-boy hair cut by the way all the rage, honestly – and I was over the moon, even though I’m still staring at two strangers, seems like a different life time now, as though staring through a window, portal.
I feel as though I have glanced a truth this weekend,
we were all happy once.
How could I possibly end it there…
Be persistent in your pursuit for happiness, never allow it to be a dusty, discoloured picture you glance decades later.
Frame it proudly,
Smile about it often,
And if you can’t find it anywhere within yourself,
Simply seek to give it freely to others.
Bet you a banana milkshake with vanilla ice cream,
you’ll remember more than you could know,
or perhaps you’ll know more than you can remember.
You want to see another picture, get this:
check out the pig-tales and matching hair clips 🙂
[I don’t remember this one being taken either… note to self – G.I.N.K.G.O B.I.L.O.B.A]
have a happy week