Firewood for the furnace


I’d like to write something.  I’d like to tell the truth.  But the truth doesn’t open doors and the many words clog the clarity of my minds-eye.  If my brain were an HP-printer, I’d be stuck on paper jam, with an error message of please remove the cartridge.

Since keeping a diary, I would make sure never to read back over it.  More therapeutic in its necessity, I would use it to clear out all the negative whining.  Preparing my brain for a new day and a fresh onslaught of misunderstood perceptions.  That was until I became aware that all my complaining was simply excuses, for choices I had blindly or unconsciously made.  Not a great realisation, all that complaining was a total waste of my energy and focus.

 

All moaning aside there are some useful consequences to keeping a diary.  There is a factual timeline of events and hopefully an emotional progression.  And there are some beautifully uncomfortable entries which speak to me in a poetic manner.  I have verbally constructed firewood to keep the creative furnace burning.

 

25.09.2015

I feel like I’m walking in a sand storm in the desert.  I’m battling against the wind, my body is made of sand also, just not the loose kind.  And I feel as though by the time I stagger to a place of security, there won’t be anything left of me.

 

It’s a hard-line to be taught to tell the truth, sent out into the world.  A tough gig to realize working hard isn’t working smart.  While getting your head around the person in the office who does nothing until the boss turns the corner is the best liked and the least deserving.

 

Have I just passed a judgement?  How much truth is in this statement?  Define truth.

 

Truth seems to have been white washed over.  There are so many ways to get around people’s decisions or worldly issues that arise.  We’ve become champions of creating reasonable doubt and using it as a type of mental warfare.  No not just in courthouses, it has seeped through the exterior walls of our living and work spaces.  The seed of doubt grows, too easily within each of us.  Perhaps our first question should be, why?

 

Blind in our doubt of other people’s actions we by-pass the biggest truth.  The sucker-punch is that the doubt we see in others is merely a reflection of the doubt we hold within ourselves.  Doubt is the erosion of all that we know to be true.

 

Knowing ourselves seems to have been muddied with slogans such as “Just Do It” and exasperated with endless colours of consumer products.  Just do it calls for action, movement, keep going, keep searching.  The most familiar product associated with this slogan, running shoes.  Run.  Run as far and as fast as you can.  Knowing yourself is being present, if I was marketing it to you, I would go with something like “Just Be”.  The only problem with knowing yourself and using just be as a tool for progression.  Too soon will you realise you don’t require endless colours of consumer products, you don’t require a brightly coloured slogan’tastic t-shirt to motivate you on your path to success.  Your success is already centred within you, as a former promotional girl and brand ambassador I promise you the one slogan to truthfully get you on your way is, Just Be.  Sit with yourself, present a question and allow the answers to unfold.

 

Erosion doesn’t have to have solely negative connotations.  Erosion teaches us about many aspects of industry, the human body, and the planet we live on.  The destruction of anything physical or mental gives us an opportunity to grow and rebuild.  Just as doubt applied in a knowledgeable context can create positive outcomes for all.

 

And perhaps it’s okay to be worn away by the sandstorm, all my doubts dissolved by the erosion of hard truths.  For when I reach my place of security, like all of us will, I shall be transformed.

 

sd

 

Dandelions at dusk. On the verge, potential dreams, lay-in-wait.

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